Tag Archives: Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day to a Diverse Group of Women

Happy Mother’s Day to Moms, Grandmoms, Big mamas, Godmothers, Moms to be, women who yearn to be,and especially to Moms who have lost their moms. This is a diverse group of women and Mother’s Day affects them all very differently. During this time we are inundated with commercials featuring mom’s receiving breakfast in bed, twirling around in new dresses, receiving diamonds from their mates or simply frolicking in flower filled valleys. Life is beautiful for moms on Mother’s Day, and for many that will be the narrative of the day, but there will also be pain on that day and it is unfair to ignore that group of women. Many will grieve the loss of their mothers. Sure, they will have happy memories that will offer comfort, but their hearts still yearn for the physical smile of the mother that taught them so much. The other day I read this quote “my mother taught me everything except how to live without her”. So, if you know someone who has lost their mom give them a hug and they will appreciate it. Another group of women that are all but ignored are the women in your life who you know have been trying to become a mother and it has simply not happened. They deserve a hug and you can let them know they are in your prayers they need encouragement. Celebrate with the new moms by offering them some help long after the Mother’s Day holiday they will need it, and finally take the day to do whatever you want to do this day is yours enjoy and know that you are part of a group of women that have raised and are continuing to raise people who will rule the world. Happy Mother’s Day from Ebony Mom!

Happy Mothers Day 2012

To all the mothers everywhere, Happy Mothers Day. This clip features Jesse Campbell who was a contestant on NBC The Voice. He should have won, but despite not winning he has a phenomenal voice. This clip features him and his mother Ann Campbell in awesome gospel singer. Enjoy!

Mother’s Day 2011-It Does Get Better

Most of you have probably seen the public service announcement that says “it does get better.” The commercials are meant to encourage young people that in spite of their circumstances in some cases they are being bullied, but “it does get better”. The PSA is designed to let them know there is light at the end of the tunnel, and it is not an oncoming train. As I approach Mother’s Day I want to use the same phrase. For those of you who lost your mother recently “it does get better”. Right now the tears are fresh, and they sting, but time does truly heal and you will smile again. For those of you who lost your mother years ago like me “it does get better”. You can reflect on the good memories. Yes, there is still pain and you wish your mother was with you as you walk your journey, but know that her spirit still lives, and take comfort in the fact that you will see her again. For those of you, who might not have had the best relationship with your mother, know you can move on and “it does get better.” So today I thank God for my wonderful mother, and I thank her for raising me and shaping me into the person I am today. I am proud of how she lived and I pray that she would be proud of how I am living. Happy Mother’s Day to all.

Mother’s Day 2010-Another Motherless Mother’s Day


Missing My Mother…Grief does Not Stop at the Graveyard

 My mother died almost 30 years ago.   She was so young that I can not imagine what she would be like now.  She was just a few years older than I am now. It is even more difficult to believe that I have lived more of my life without her than with her. My mother and I had a very close relationship. I was not a rebellious child so the conflicts we had were very minimal, but I now wonder what she would think about the life choices I have made. I now grieve for what never was. She was not here to help me plan my wedding or even meet my future mate. She missed the birth and growth of my children and I missed having her here to guide me through the mind fields of motherhood. As a young woman I was unprepared for my mother’s death. Most people see the tragedy in young children losing their mother, but once you cross the threshold of adulthood people believe you are able to cope with the loss. Yes, you do remain functional you are no longer wailing and lamenting at the loss of your mother, but there is an incredible void that simply can not be filled. During the initial mourning period I remember people mouthing all the usual platitudes: “I’m as close as the phone”, “call me if you need anything” or the worst “I know how you feel”, and let us not forget “she is in a better place.” What??? Well I want her right here with me.  I wanted to scream “why don’t you call me. I’m the one that lost my mother” or “no you don’t know how I feel”, but instead I smiled and nodded as they said the things they thought would make me feel better. What I have learned is you never get over the death of your mother, but you do get on with life, but your life will forever be divided into before my mother died and after my mother died. My father died 4 years before my mother died and while I mourned his death it was a different kind of loss. I still had my mother to help me through the loss of my father, and I remember even then saying I miss my dad, but I knew I could not live without my mother, but that too was simply untrue. After my mother died I remember losing my sense of compassion. When other people would lose their mothers I would be sorry for their loss but there was also a dark part of me that would be saying welcome to the club.   I think there were two people who kept me sane during the dark period, my best friend Stephanie and my Aunt Bernie. Stephanie lost her mother the year after I did so we could share thoughts with each other without fear of judgment, and my aunt provided a listening ear in the midnight hours when I simply needed to ask again and again “why?” What I didn’t think I understood then or now how the grief never goes away. Your happiest moments are always tempered with grief.  I remember redecorating my bedroom the year after she died and being so happy with the outcome, but a part of me was sad that I was happy. On my wedding day I remember waking up at 2AM to a tear-stained pillowcase because she would not be there to share the day with me. I miss the fact that she was never allowed the privilege to be a grandmother. She always loved kids and she would have had such a good time spoiling mine. My mother was the person in my life that saw me through a non-judgmental prism. Is my story unique? Probably not but it is not the kind of story that people are not comfortable sharing aloud or hearing. One thing you find when you lose a mother and you try to talk about with people who still have theirs they don’t want to hear it. As we age the death of parents becomes a common occurrence but when you are young and most of your friends and family members still have theirs you will find that it is a lonely road.  One of the saddest aspects of her death is not being able to make her real to my children. They don’t miss having a maternal grandmother because they never had one. You can’t miss what you never had. I share stories with them but it is like I’m reading a fairytale to them. In the early eighties we were not blessed with the kind of technology we now take for granted. We didn’t have video cameras or camera phones to help keep our memories alive. I have pictures, but the one dimensional version of my mother is insufficient to express who she really was. A picture can not capture the generous spirit that radiated behind the loving smile. In this post mom period of my life I have been able to surround myself with people who love me. I have a husband who has learned to recognize the sadness, but he knows when I want to talk or when I need to walk through it by myself. I have smiled as I see some of the traits of my mother in my children. My children share her loving spirit. My mother was one of the kindest people you would ever meet, but when you pushed her you did so at your own peril. I now can help someone who has lost a mother walk through the pain. Instead of saying “I know how you feel.” I say “I know how it feels to lose a mother.” It has taken me almost 30 years, but I can now be happy with no reservations. I can now rest assured that she is in a better place, but it took decades for me to get to this space. So on this Mother’s Day I can smile at her memory, and also smile because I do know that I have grown into the woman she prayed I would become.

My Mother’s Day Prayer-End the War

Today was a joyous day in my home. I was surrounded by the love of my husband and my two children. I have a 13 year old son who is full of promise and potential. He is old enough to make decisions but still young enough to dream big. I see high school in the near future and college down the line, but what scares me is the war. Today over 4000 of our citizens are dead and there are so many mothers grieving today. When I look at election 2008 one of my biggest concerns is which candidate will be able to bring this conflict to an end. Now we have armed forces full of volunteer recruits. In an effort to get more recruits they are letting people with criminal activity in their past become soldiers. In war time it is harder to recruit so desperate times call for desperate measures. What concerns me as we go into our 6th year of this war is what is going to happen when there are no more volunteers? At some point the draft is going to be taken off the shelf and that I can not fathom. I can not bear the thought of my dear sweet son going to a far away country to fight in a war that never should have been waged. This election season I want a candidate that will offer real solutions to end this conflict. I don’t want to hear that Obama is elite because he does not relish a cheese steak or that McCain is losing his bearings because he is old. We do not have time to continue to wallow in trivia. I want to hear plans and solutions to protect America and spare any other mothers the pain of losing a child and spending Mother’s Day in mourning—that is my prayer.